it took me so long to get into my account that i forgot what i was going to write about.

i think it had to do with buying the Bible on mp3...dahhh! anyways, i wont waste time talking about that now. theres not much i can do about it. that might be the wrong attitude, i'm just not sure of all the angles i want to see this.

my understanding of God is changing, for the better. i'm frustrated at how i have personally changed the image of God, because of my preferences. to who i want him to be, so that my views can be right and just.

i view praying as something i should do. and i know its something, a interacting action, that is beneficial, but really i want it to be something that i long to do. and not something i feel guilty about not doing. i find that when i have a late night and am too tired, i feel quite guilty for skipping prayer. i'm not sure psychologically what i need to change, what perspective is bringing this destructive nature, but i'm not sure i can stop thinking and searching until i find it.

for awhile now, i have been pretty frustrated at my family. i think we are all adjusting and not adjusting, which brings alot of tension. but lately, i have been able to see good and helpful qualities in them. i have also been able to see the purpose of a family. i knew that in the future i want a family of my own, but presently wasnt able to be happy with the one i was apart of. but God has opened understanding and allowed me to see my family and myself through grace.

i'm starting school soon. hopefully. i'm not sure about it. there seems to be alot of obstacles, i'm not sure if all of them are possible to get by. i'm sure there are other options no matter what. anyways, peace!