Feeling Overwhelmed

Guten Abendt (good evening),
I recently went up north to Summit to visit Reid and Erick. It was insane to be back there. We went snowshoeing on the lake at night, so crazy beautiful. Not a cloud in sight and the peace I found in being there went farther than the moon touched hills. I find clarity when I am away from it all. Which is like most people. But something I can't seem shake is the feeling of being overwhelmed with one purticular issue- the condition of our world. And so the question must be asked, "I know you can be underwhelmed and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever be just whelmed?" Ha. Can anyone tell me what movie thats from? anyways, i feel quite overwhelmed. There is so many children, women and men living in devasting situations. Who am I to be here? To be fed? To be loved? To have parents that are dealing with body parts going south, instead of children who watched their parents die everyday before the age of ten? I know it's sounds like I am beating myself over this and that might even be the case, I just cant the thought of wanting everything to be equaled out. The pain of the human condition to be equaled out among us. Whats so special and great about me that I am here, safe. But i guess thats another side of the human condition, life isnt' fair. I am so sick of seeing boarders and property lines. Now, no worries, I wont begin to enter strangers houses, because I want to make some kind of protest. I just hate the attitude of, let them deal with their own. I get this drive to do something, this feeling that things need to be dealt with. To live day to day and continue to think that children are not enjoying life, but in fact suffering because they are only half alive. OK, lets do something, i think to myself. Then I begin to look at options of volunteering. SO MANY! i feel so helpless. So many places need people. I am faced with the fact that the problem is bigger than me. What I can't seem shake is letting go. I realize that this problem will be here way past the time that I die, but if I could just make it better. Find a way to change peoples lives. Dang, I know this sounds so heroic and...bla. But these are my thoughts and feelings. Things that wont leave. I want to live and to live is to love. I just want to get far enough past myself to love as least someone else. I have so much distance to cover.

What I Got

Hey ya all!
I guess I could give you a quick up date. I believe the last time I made an entry I said I wouldnt write about myself anymore. That was last october and well, I still havent gotten past myself. Hence no entries since. But I thought I should let you guys know where I'm at in life and what's been happening.
I have been working at Starbucks in London. As some of you know, I really really like Starbucks. There are things about the company that I am disappointed about, but for the most part I really respect them. The new president of the company has made alot of good changes. Anyways, I believe there's alot about the company that I dont know. I dont know if my suspicions are from my gut or from my well established lack of trust in the corrupt...corporate world.
I had a decent Christmas, like most people had to work the holi-days. And since there wasnt any snow, it didnt feel a bit like Christmas. It was good to hang out with family, sit down for dinner with awkward tension, now that felt like Christmas.
These past few months have been more depressing than I could explain. With weekly counseling visits being the only thing getting me through. Then with great friends coming to visit to bring compassion and frienship into my time here. I wont go into too much detail about everything. I will say this, I am getting better. Life is getting better. When I sought out to make my life more than about me, i didnt realize the extensive work it would require. Expanding oneself is more painful than is expected. Growing pains, if you can remember, is more of an awkward, achy, uncomfortable, painful feeling. Maturing is no different. The statement still remains that I am sick of talking, seeing and listening about myself. To be free of my excessive need to fill my life with deception and avoidance is what I want. But to see life in its entire truest form is harder than I thought it would be. As you can see I am simply just taken back from the reality of life. Before I continue to fill your life with my excessive need for attention, I want to say this.
Life is getting better.